Talk:The Other Network/@comment-29249491-20160723162540
Firstly -- I could friggin' swear I read this as an SCP already, a future with a totalitarian US, viewed thru news from on computer in some run-down building, the Patriot Network or something or other, but namely this line: "From what I gathered, the only crimes that were properly investigated were treason and fraud; leaving all kinds of depraved killers and perverts free to do as they pleased. Some had even gained fan-followings; I stumbled across one website dedicated to somebody called the “Dockyard Butcher” Not calling plagiarism here, especially since a quick quoted serach doesn't pop a result, but my brain hurts. Does this exist as an SCP? Did you write it over there? Or is this one doozy of a spell of deja vous? Seriously tho. . .patriotsearch. I have fucking read this before -- where? That out of the way, real comments. Nicely done, in most respects. A couple tech errors were pointed out, but they don't bother me, and while one sentence bugs the crap out of me "That's when my laptop went crazy." the rest is solid and impressively consistant in tone. Actually, I should add this -- This deserves better praise than I gave it -- Creepypastas are bad. They're rough drafts slapped onto the net, worse, they're almost always told in first person past-tense and only thru exposition. "It was Sunday, am Mike was being a dick." vs " Mike was sitting on the couch, lounging around and eating pork rinds in front of the tele. Damned reality TV, all he'll ever let us watch. He turned to me and said, "You know, I been thinking." ¶ "Thinking what Mike?" ¶ "Remember that model Chevy you loved?"¶ Said model Chevy was a 1932 Sport Roadster, I'd assembled, painted it, and even desided to mock-up a pretty convincing dragon along one side. Yeah, I remember that car, took me a whole weekend to make.¶ "I smashed it up. You didn't take your share of the blame for throwing rocks that day, and I smahed it up." I'm not saying that scene is good or anything, but it is a fucking scene, and "It was Sunday, and Mike was being a dick." Is neither a scene, nor interesting, nor does it tell us anything at all, let alone show us something. Moreover, it took 30 seconds to google famous chevi cars to give the model a little bit of specificity, and ten seconds to come up with some addition to show the narrator cared about it. Rather than, I dunno, just saying "I loved that model car." . . .which is about what you can expect on CreepPastas -- which astounds me, because I'm given to understand some form of curation goes on around here, and yet 90% of it is so goddamned inept. So, no, 'impressively consistant in tone' is not good enough praise for this -- it's an actual short story, and a good one at that. So thanks for sharing mate.